I didn't note where this was given. It was probably a talk in one of the wards in the stake.
I want you to think for a moment, this can apply to everyone, from the youngest to the oldest. I want you to think of a time that you learned something very important from your parents or grandparents. This might be a single incident when a lesson was powerfully driven home, or it could be a general characteristic that you learned over years of teaching. This could be biological parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, or church leaders that have taught you something good and important.
As you consider the teaching, what were the circumstances? How was it that you were taught? Did it make an impact on you at the time or did you not come to that realization until later? I want us to consider the ways in which we were taught so that we in turn can become good teachers.
Teaching our children the doctrine of Christ and faith in Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost has been a concern down through the centuries.
We read of Old Testament people whose children turned from the teachings of their fathers. There are all kinds of examples in the Book of Mormon where “the rising generation could not understand the words…; and they did not believe the tradition of their fathers.”
The Lord told the church in the early days that “inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost…, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.”
And even in the very last General Conference Elder Uchtdorf said, “Help your children build faith in Jesus Christ, love His gospel and His Church, and prepare for a lifetime of righteous choices.”
There is a lot that has been taught and many resources provided to help us in our parenting. We are reminded repeatedly that this is a home-centered church-supported church. We could spend a lot of time talking about the resources the church provides to help us. The children and youth program has pamphlets and booklets that help our children set righteous goals. We have Come, Follow Me at home, in church and in Seminary to help teach the principles of the gospel.
These are all good resources but as I thought a lot about this subject over the past several weeks a few different thoughts came to me that I would like to share that hopefully can provide some direction or ideas that will help you in your daily efforts to teach our children.
My first thought was that even though it is the primary responsibility of parents to teach their children, all of us have some sort of responsibility. There are ways that grandparents can teach their grandchildren or great-grandchildren. There are ways that church leaders and family ministers can reinforce good teachings.
At the beginning of my remarks today I asked you to reflect on an important teaching you remember. Speaking of grandparents, there is one incident that really sticks out in my mind. I was a teenage boy just learning to drive and becoming interested in cars. My father had taught me a few basic maintenance items you could do to your car such as replace spark plugs and a couple of other little tune-up things. About this time, we went to visit my grandparents in Wyoming. While we were there my father noticed that my grandfather’s car was running a bit rough and thought maybe we could fix it. We went down to the auto parts store and bought a few things and replaced them. The car then ran much smoother and my grandfather was grateful for the help.
But this isn’t a lesson about service or helping others. It was what my grandfather said next that really stuck with me. As we were standing out in the driveway, he just sort of casually said, “We have never really had a lot in life. We haven’t made a lot of money, but we have always paid our tithing. And you know what. Even though we weren’t blessed with a lot of money, we have been blessed that the things we own have always lasted a long time. This is a pretty old car and now with a little work, it will last me a lot longer. Our appliances seem to last a lot longer than anyone else’s. People are surprised at how old our fridge is and how it still works. Those are the blessings of tithing. Paying our tithing has helped us so we have never wanted for the basic necessities of life.
I learned a great lesson on tithing from my grandfather. It was a way of looking at tithing that I had never considered. He was sort of casual in his comments but at the same time very sincere. I know he believed firmly in the blessings of tithing. I was probably about 16 years old but I can still picture us standing in his driveway looking at his car and him sharing those feelings.
So grandparents, you can teach through normal and natural conversations. Say things that you believe to your grandchildren. I don’t think my grandfather ever knew how impactful those few moments were to me.
Another thought I had was how important it is to set priorities and clear expectations early. In our day there are lots of opportunities for our children. There is so much more that our children can do athletically, academically, or financially. With a little extra work our kids can get an associate degree while in high school or earn college credits by taking and passing AP classes. There are sports club opportunities to participate in a huge variety of sports that are also big time commitments. In today’s economy any of our kids can get jobs to earn money for whatever kinds of ambitions they have.
While these are good things, I think they may take a toll that has long-term effects. We know statistically that a much lower percentage of our youth are taking seminary. Related, I think, is that a much lower percentage of our young men are serving missions. I am afraid that in the pursuit of an education or sports goals, or work, we are neglecting the most important things in life.
If we set priorities and expectations for seminary and church attendance early, those will guide later decisions. We may have to make some sacrifices to meet early expectations. I am a very strong proponent of education. I believe strongly in continuing education. I have a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree from the University of Utah. But I also believe that sacrificing seminary attendance in order to earn a couple more college credits will not be worthwhile in the long-run. There is plenty of time in life to get your education. Don’t be in a hurry, you will always be learning. I am a half dozen years away from retiring and I will be taking a course later this year on advanced statistical modeling and data learning. There are always opportunities to learn, you don’t need to pack it in the first few years after high school.
I had a very good father who established expectations early and it has always been a blessing. When I was about 15 years old an opportunity came up for me to get a job. For you old-timers that remember VaLora’s Ice Cream on 3500 South near Redwood Road, I had a chance to work as a busboy on Friday and Saturday nights. This was the kind of ice cream place where you would sit at a table and order your ice cream and it came to you in glass dishes. I would clear the tables and wash the dishes. We closed at midnight on Friday and Saturday night so by the time we got everything cleaned up and drove home it was close to 1:00 in the morning before I got to bed.
Now again you old-timers will remember, this was back before any block meeting schedule. Priesthood meeting started at 7:00 in the morning. Sunday School was later in the morning and then Sacrament Meeting was in the evening. Before I ever started that job as I was talking to my parents about working, my Dad said to me that I was still expected to attend priesthood meetings at 7:00 even if I didn’t get home until 1:00 in the morning. He said that if it ever came down to the job or church it was the job that would go. So before my first day, I knew I was expected to attend church every week. I admit, there may have been a few weeks that I was rather drowsy during priesthood meeting but I was there and I was making an effort.
The church, especially within the church education system, has done a lot of study and research on love and expectations. With the help of other scholars, they have developed a matrix. Imagine a matrix where vertically is expectations. At the bottom is low expectations, and at the top is high. Then horizontally is love. On the left is low love and on the right is high love. You can Google this and read much more about it, but I want to touch on it just a little. I think we all love our children and grandchildren, so I want to focus on the two quadrants where there is a high amount of love and either a high amount of expectations or a low amount of expectations.
The church labels high expectations, high love and the Miracles quadrant. This is where our children engage. This is where they set goals and accomplish objectives. When there is high love and low expectations, the church labels that quadrant Fraternity. This is where the goal is to fit in, to be happy in a social setting, to be complacent about learning or engaging.
There is a big difference between righteous expectations and undue pressure. When our children know that there are high expectations but there is love and a support system to help them accomplish these things, miracles happen in their lives.
All that we have talked about is to help us as parents, grandparents, ministers, etc help to prepare our children to make and keep sacred covenants. As they make and keep sacred covenants, then they in turn will be better prepared to teach those that follow them.
