The assigned topic for this talk was Love One Another. There are so many ways to take that subject but I decided to approach it from the standpoint of loving one another through our speech and conduct. Here is what I came up with.
Given November 12, 2023, in the Harman ward.
Love One Another
There is an anecdote circulating on the Internet that is
attributed to the famous Greek philosopher Socrates. I generally try to validate stories I read on
the Internet because most of them are not true.
After some further research, I found that this anecdote was likely first
published in the mid 1800’s and was first ascribed to Socrates in a magazine
article in 1936. So, this is a
completely fictional story about Socrates but it illustrates a good point so I
will repeat it as an anecdote, knowing that it is historically incorrect. It goes like this; There
is a story of a man who once approached the famous Greek philosopher,
Socrates. The man was eager to share
some news that he had just heard about a friend of theirs.
As he was about to start his story, Socrates put up his hand
and stopped him. “Have you made
absolutely sure that what you are about to say is true?” he asked his friend.
“Well, no not actually, I just barely heard about it. But anyway..”
Again, Socrates cuts the man off and asks, “Is what you want
to say something good or kind about our friend?” The man just shook his head and said no it is
quite the opposite, but I think you should know..”
Once again, Socrates cuts him off and then says, “So you are
not certain that what you want to say is true, and it isn’t good or kind. Then
is this information useful or necessary to me?”
A little defeated, the man replied, “No, not really”.
“Well then,” Socrates said, “If what you want to say is
neither true, nor good or kind, nor useful or necessary, please don’t say
anything at all.”
In recent years much has been taught about how we
communicate with one another, what we say, and how we say it.
In my experience we are often unkind in our communication
for two reasons. One, is that we don’t
intend to be unkind but what we find as humorous or quick-witted is in fact
very hurtful to another person. The
other reason is that we pass judgement and feel we are justified in what we say
and have not tried to understand the situation from the other person’s point of
view.
We all have those moments in life that we regret and wish we
could play over. One of my painful
memories is an interaction that occurred in a class in High School. Several people were talking, and I said
something very rude to a girl in the class.
I thought I was being funny.
Those around me laughed. I
thought it was just a joke. But I
remember the hurt look on her face when I said it. It startled me and I realized that she did
not find it at all funny. After all
these years, that moment still haunts me, and I wish I could take it back.
I don’t think that sarcasm and good-natured badgering is
usually received well. I think if we
really want to elevate our speech and our interactions with others, we might
think twice about some of the sarcastic things we say. I was in a rather large church meeting not
long ago. A very good-natured friendly
brother in the stake walked into the meeting.
Someone else already seated, piped up and said, “Well they will allow
just about anyone in here won’t they!”
The two men laughed, and I don’t think feelings were hurt but maybe they
were. Just a little. Wouldn’t it have been a little more elevated
of speech to just greet him and tell him how good it was to see him and thank
him for coming to the meeting?
Unfortunately, stories abound of people who were offended in
church and refused to come back. I
realize there are always two sides to the story. People say someone can’t offend you unless
you let them. While I agree that
sometimes we must have thick skin and acknowledge the weaknesses of others,
wouldn’t it be better if we weren’t faced with those situations? Many years ago, I was in a meeting where a
member of the stake presidency said something to someone that was hurtful. I wondered if they felt a little humiliated or
maybe I was too sensitive, but there were others in the meeting that afterward
asked this person if they were OK. They
too had felt that the comment was inappropriate and could be hurtful. I suppose at that young age I already had a
testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and knew that church members are
imperfect beings just trying to serve the Lord the best they know how. We all have our individual weaknesses. Even members of the Stake Presidency!
How do we judge others around us? In our church meetings. In our neighborhoods. In school or work. Do we have compassion for the young couple who
are trying to teach their children the importance of our church meetings or do
we get annoyed because of a little crying or restlessness? The scriptures have several accounts that we
can learn from.
You will recognize these from Elder Giraud-Carrier’s recent
talk in General Conference.
Do you recall the experience the disciple Ananias had when
the Lord sent him to bless Saul? Saul’s reputation had preceded him, and
Ananias had heard about Saul and his cruel, relentless persecution of the
Saints. Ananias heard and jumped to the conclusion that perhaps he should not
minister to Saul. It turned out to be the wrong conclusion, and the Lord taught
Ananias, “He is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles,
and kings, and the children of Israel.”
When the scribes and the Pharisees saw the woman taken in
adultery, what did they see? A depraved woman, a sinner worthy of death. When
Jesus saw her, what did He see? A woman who had temporarily succumbed to the
weakness of the flesh but could be reclaimed through repentance and His
Atonement.
When people saw the woman with an issue of blood, what did
they see? Perhaps an unclean woman, an outcast to be shunned. When Jesus saw
her, what did He see? A sickly woman, lonely and alienated due to circumstances
she did not control, who hoped to be healed and to belong again.
In every case, the Lord saw these individuals for who they
were and accordingly ministered to each one.
As Nephi declared: “He inviteth them all to come unto him …
, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the
heathen; and all are alike unto God.”1
As we strive to see others as the Lord sees them, our
thoughts, actions, and speech will be elevated to a higher and holier level.
The scriptures also teach us to elevate our speech. Here are a few examples of scriptural
teaching.
Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt,
that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.2
In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in
doctrine shewing …, sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of
the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.3
And see that there is no iniquity in the church, neither
hardness with each other, neither lying, backbiting, nor evil speaking.4
Therefore, cease from all your light speeches.5
Thou shalt not speak evil of thy neighbor, nor do him any
harm.6
And then of course, our dear Prophet reminded us of how we
should act and speak with one another.
President Nelson said, “Civility and decency seem to have disappeared
during this era of polarization and passionate disagreements.
Vulgarity, faultfinding, and evil speaking of others are all
too common. Too many pundits, politicians, entertainers, and other influencers
throw insults constantly. I am greatly concerned that so many people seem to
believe that it is completely acceptable to condemn, malign, and vilify anyone
who does not agree with them. Many seem eager to damage another’s reputation
with pathetic and pithy barbs!
Anger never persuades. Hostility builds no one. Contention
never leads to inspired solutions. Regrettably, we sometimes see contentious
behavior even within our own ranks. We hear of those who belittle their spouses
and children, of those who use angry outbursts to control others, and of those
who punish family members with the “silent treatment.” We hear of youth and
children who bully and of employees who defame their colleagues.
My dear brothers and sisters, this should not be. As
disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to be examples of how to interact with
others—especially when we have differences of opinion. One of the easiest ways
to identify a true follower of Jesus Christ is how compassionately that person
treats other people.
The Savior made this clear in His sermons to followers in
both hemispheres. “Blessed are the peacemakers,” He said. “Whosoever shall
smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” And then, of
course, He gave the admonition that challenges each of us: “Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”7
I think that angry, hostile speaking often stems from a
weakness in controlling our emotions. It
is often difficult to practice patience when things do not go exactly as you
had hoped. Whether it is with family,
neighbors, co-workers, or fellow member so the church, being patient in all
things can be challenging. Fortunately,
we cherish the gift of repentance and strive to be better each day. Even in old age, or maybe especially in old
age, we can strive to develop more patience.
As we see each other as children of our Heavenly Father, we gain greater
understanding and appreciation for the varied circumstances that exist in the
world. I think this greater
understanding would lead to kinder speech and gentler interactions with others.
It is important that no matter how old we are, that we
continue to examine ourselves and focus on improving our imperfections. Whether you are a newly baptized 8-year-old
or a seasoned 98-year-old lifelong member of the church, you need to strive to
improve each day.
Again quoting President Nelson he taught the following: “Recently
I have found myself drawn to the Lord’s instruction given through the Prophet
Joseph Smith: “Say nothing but repentance unto this generation.” This
declaration is often repeated throughout scripture. It prompts an obvious
question: “Does everyone need to repent?” The answer is yes.
When Jesus asks you and me to “repent,” He is inviting us to
change our mind, our knowledge, our spirit—even the way we breathe. He is
asking us to change the way we love, think, serve, spend our time, treat our
wives, teach our children, and even care for our bodies.
Nothing is more liberating, more ennobling, or more crucial
to our individual progression than is a regular, daily focus on repentance.
Repentance is not an event; it is a process. It is the key to happiness and
peace of mind. When coupled with faith, repentance opens our access to the
power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”8
Brothers and sisters, I am learning more and more each day
how much our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us. He knows what our abilities and limitations
are. He helps us to stretch and strive
to become better people. Through our
faith and prayers, we can access the power of the Atonement and by so doing we
can increase in patience, civility, and elevate our manner of speech and our
interactions with those around us.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
1 Giraud-Carrier,
Christophe G, We Are His Children, October 2023. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/56giraud-carrier?lang=eng
2 Colossians
4:6
3 Titus 2:7-8
4 D&C
20:54
5 D&C
88:121
6 D&C
42:27
7 Nelson,
Russell M., Peace Makers Needed, April 2023. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/47nelson?lang=eng
8 Nelson,
Russell M., We Can Do Better and Be Better, April 2019. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/36nelson?lang=eng
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